as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
