Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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