does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sorry my hands just texted you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
