I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Bring me that man meat
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
