think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
