you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
