his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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