If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
