Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
