Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
