I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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