apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
