hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize