So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
