i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
