Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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