U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You can't special order awesome
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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