I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
