I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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