we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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