So drunk, too bad you don't want this
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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