His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
