talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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