We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
