Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
