Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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