she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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