the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
