All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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