no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize