she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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