walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
