I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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