He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
