don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize