I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
