Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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