he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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