the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
