Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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