Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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