I wish life had little blips of pornography
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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