cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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