you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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