i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
