I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
