What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
