i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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