Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
