im six kinds of drunk right now
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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