Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
handjob tips. give me some.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
