nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
