My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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