Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he just fucked me for my cheese.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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