Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize