I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
