You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
