We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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