i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
