I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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