All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
