Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
