I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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