i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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